Life sucks. Well it can at times. That’s how it is. At some point in time, someone is going to hurt your feelings. It will be either deliberate or unconsciously done, but someone, at some point in time, will hurt you.
The trick is what do you do when that happens? How do you react when you are hurt? Because it is how you react that will let you rise above what has been said or done, or sink to the level of those who have hurt you.
There is a lot of hurt and anger in the world today. It seems as though violence has escalated to heights, that have not been seen before. Every day the news is full of one punch injuries, someone that has been killed or injured horribly in a Domestic Violence situation or fights that have gotten out of control.
There are some people who live in a state of fear of getting hurt and they go to lengths to avoid confrontations and arguments so that they are not hurt. The problem is that a lot of people when they get hurt, retaliate. They get revenge by getting even, as they perceive, to the wrong done to them.
This can take many forms from being physical, talking behind the person’s back or indeed not talking at all. It can take the form of addiction in order to kill the pain that the person feels inside, be that alcohol, drugs, spending money one doesn’t have, work or any other addiction to ease the pain.
All that does is keep the pain intact, it keeps the pain inside, whereby the person either hurts someone else, or themselves, even more than they are already hurt. Lashing out in reaction is not healthy it is destructive. Reacting solves nothing, but makes a situation worse and can create a cycle that is never ending.
As hard as it is, when one is hurt, that person needs to look at why, whatever was said or done, has in fact hurt them. When one knows why something has hurt them, it is easier to tackle the issue. Not reacting when one is hurt is hard and yet it is the better way.
To be able to say to someone ‘What you just said / did has hurt me’ allows a door for discussion to open. The other person might not have any realisation that he or she has hurt you. By opening the door, it gives them a chance to apologise, and if need be to discuss why you have been hurt. And yes there will be those that don’t care that they have hurt you but you can’t do anything about that.
That is where forgiveness comes in. Forgiveness is not about forgetting what someone has said or done, but it is about cutting the emotional tie, that binds you to the person who has hurt you. Forgiveness is not about the other person but about you, it gives you the freedom to keep moving forward, instead of being held back by hurt, anger and/ or resentment.
The majority of conflict in our world stems from miscommunication. Being hurt by someone’s words or actions is miscommunication. The key to resolving miscommunication is opening a door to allow people to speak and to be heard, and where there is too much difference, come to a mutual ground of common acceptance.