#DV #Break The Silence

Lavender was my grandmother’s favourite. I can remember how the smell would waft through every room of the house. It’s funny how something you see or smell can take you back in time.

Sometimes in life, strange things happen, and there is no logical explanation other than it must be spiritual. As an adult you realise this, but as a child, those strange things are reality, and they can impact you, especially if you have no one to help you understand what is going on.

Remember how I said last Instagram post that I was told never to speak about the secret or they would die. Well, I did tell once … and guess what … the person died.

Here’s what happened. So, I was at my grandmother’s house with my brother and sister. It was 10 days before my 9th birthday. She was looking after us while my mother went into town. My grandmother and I were really close and she knew that there was something wrong. She asked me, and I don’t know why, but I told her.

And she said to me, ‘Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt you again.’ I was so happy, but the second that she finished saying that, the phone rang. It was my father telling her that he was coming down to pick us up.

She told him that she knew what he had been doing and she wasn’t going to let it continue. Then she told him where he could go, how to get there and what he could do when he got there. And the last thing she said as she hung up the phone was ‘It’ll be over my dead body before I let you hurt her again.’ Then she told me to go outside and play.

A short time later, my sister who had gone inside, came out and told us that she couldn’t wake gma up. We said she was probably sleeping, but we went inside. We couldn’t wake her. At that moment, our mother returned, and we told her that we couldn’t wake her. She told us all to get outside, while she checked. The next thing we know is an ambulance turns up.

We have no idea what’s going on. I was crying because I knew that something terrible had gone wrong. I went from being so happy to being really sad, and then my brother says for me to go inside and have a look, see what’s going on and then come out and tell them. So I went inside.

Now from the back yard, you went in through the back door and you were in like a back verandah area, but it’s been enclosed, then you go through another door into the kitchen, which led to the passageway and the other rooms.

So, I go in through the back door, and I’m in the area before the door to the kitchen. As I’m going in, my father is walking out of the kitchen. I had no idea of why he was there, or how he knew, but I knew by the look on his face he was mad. He looked at me, punched me in the face, and sent me flying. As I lay on the ground, he stood over me and yelled ‘Shut your goddam mouth, crying is a sign of weakness.’

That was the day, that I shut my emotions down. That was the day I swore never to allow myself to feel anything, because if you can’t feel, you can’t be hurt. I had no idea of how much damage not allowing myself to feel would do, but at the time, it was my way of surviving.

No matter what he did, I refused to allow any sign of emotion, and he did some really terrible things. It was to elicit a reaction. I had worked out that if you show any reaction then what was being done would continue, if you didn’t, then whatever was happening would stop.

Anyway, as an adult I know that my grandmother died from a blood clot that lodged in her heart, but as a child, all I knew was, that I told and she died, and so I swore never to tell anyone, cause I didn’t want to be the cause of their death.

Shutting down my emotions helped me to survive my childhood and it helped me to survive the Domestic Violence relationships, I wound up in. When I left, and started anew, with the promise of I’m not going through that again, it was an interesting period.

People would say ‘How are you?’ or ‘How do you feel?’ and I would answer ‘OK’ because, I couldn’t feel whether I was good or bad, so it was always ‘Okay.’ A few years after I had left, I found myself starting to feel emotions again. Not a lot, but I was starting to feel and so I could figure out whether it was a good feeling or a bad feeling, but I couldn’t pull any words to describe what I was feeling. So, whenever anyone asked ‘How are you?’ I would say Ok for if it was a good feeling or not too bad if it was a bad feeling.

I did do a bit of counselling, and worked out I had a bit of PTSD, which the counsellor was surprised it was only a bit and not full blown considering the stuff I went through. But as we talked about emotions, I said I don’t understand them, I can’t even name them and then she gives me this list with all these words on them under positive and negative emotions.

I had no idea there was so many, and although I took the paper, it didn’t mean a lot to me. I still didn’t get emotions. After a few more years, there was a period where, it was like a door opened and I could feel emotions, and they totally sucked.

But, I was starting to put more words and emotions together, but sometimes when people asked me how I was, I would say ‘I don’t know.’ They didn’t understand that I could feel something, but I couldn’t pull the word for it, but I knew there was a word for it. The thing is that when I said I didn’t know, and even now, if I say that I don’t know, it’s because I literally don’t know.

I connected with @michaelnultyauthor on Twitter and Instagram, and I understood so much from the things he wrote. He gave me an emotional scale and it just seemed to make everything click so much clearer. I still struggle to pull the word to what I feel, but I am able to figure some of them out.

It’s a huge learning curve, and I’m slowly getting the hang of emotions. I still think they totally suck, but I’m getting used to them. And I’m even starting to cry. Not often, but a few times I have, and that totally messes with me, because those times I have, I have no idea why I cried.

#DomesticViolence; #BreakTheSilence; #PhoenixEmerging; #Abuse



#2017 Goodbye and Good Riddance

2017 I am not sorry to see you leave. You tried to destroy me this year, and you were good, but I’ve had people try to destroy me before, and if they couldn’t, what made you think that you could. I did learn a lot though the heartache.

It’s been a tough year and from July through to December it was atrocious. So, lets look at the overview of my year. It’s never easy when you don’t have a job, but I was managing. Sometimes, I got a little short, and my step-father would help out.

For the first half of the year, my past kept coming up, and with it insecurities, flashbacks and emotions that I had no idea of what they were, but they messed with me.

My step-father was trying to teach me how a father should treat his child. He said to me ‘According to God, you are my daughter, and so I must look after you.’ My real father was a piece of work. He was an abusive alcoholic, and didn’t care what he did or said. Some of the things he did, I wouldn’t do to my worst enemy, but I survived.

So, my step-father had his work cut out for him, but he was trying to show me how a father should have treated his child, and trying to teach me how to believe God for provision, and it manifesting itself. We couldn’t figure out why, for me, what I asked for just didn’t happen.

I talked to him about a business I was looking at setting up, and he was prepared to help out. He was going to invest some capital, big time, because he believed in me, and what I was going to do. He could see it being viable and so after a few months discussions, we organised an amount, and I had a detailed business plan. But, then July happened.

It was all going to happen, first thing Wednesday morning. We were going to the bank first thing to transfer the money over. Tuesday morning I saw him, and he was excited and happy. He was off to an outreach being run by the local church. He saw it as an opportunity to chat with people, and so off he went. I had errands to run, yet on the way back, I felt compelled to call into the church. So, I did.

He was laughing and talking. He asked me to look something up for him, which I was doing when it happened. There was dead silence. I looked at him, and it was like he was there, but he couldn’t speak or move. People were asking him if he was alright but he didn’t respond, I noticed a bit of drool coming from his mouth, and I knew this wasn’t good. I ordered one of them to call the ambulance.

I’m talking to the emergency operator, people are praying for him. A couple were commanding the devil to let go off him. I’m trying to make sure that he’s still breathing, in case I had to do CPR, organise for someone to stand out the front for the ambulance to guide them in, and someone else to direct people to another section of the church till we got him looked at.

The ambulance finally came. 15 minutes it took them to get there, I had made the call to them within a couple of minutes, but they came. He was still breathing when they got there but his blood pressure was way too low. They checked him, and said that they thought he had a major stroke, and they were taking him to hospital.

He said to me ‘They will say that I have died of a major stroke or heart attack, but in actual fact, Father has just taken my breath away.’ And that’s what it looked like, his breath was just taken away.

If that wasn’t bad enough, I called his daughter and when I told her, she started yelling at me, and demanding to know what had happened. I found out that she had argued with him the previous night, as did someone else. So, I told her to get to the hospital. Then I rang his son, and told him. He starts yelling at me, and demanding to know what had happened.

Later at the hospital, both his daughter and son, blamed me for his death. That was hard and it hurt. I did everything I could to keep him alive, till the ambulance came. There was nothing more I could do. Then I learned from people that she talked to that she slandered my name.

She told them that he had taken $2000 out of his account Monday morning, and I took it from his wallet Tuesday. She also told them that I had used his cards and made all these pay wave purchases. She never asked me or told me that this is what she thought, she just told people I did these things.

If she had asked, I would’ve told her – just because he took money out on Monday, doesn’t mean he had it Tuesday. He was a generous man and quite often gave people money. So there was no money in his wallet Tuesday. As for the pay wave purchases, those transactions can take up to 8 days to come through. But, no she trashed my character.

I had every right to bite back. There was a part of me that wanted to but I thought, no I’m not going to lower myself to her standards, I will trust that people know me well enough to know I wouldn’t do that. But, inside it hurt.

Then the funeral, well I was going to speak at it, but as punishment for what she told everyone I did, I wasn’t allowed to. At the funeral, not one of them or his family spoke to me. I held my tongue out of honour for him, so that those who came to his funeral, could pay their respects, without any altercations to disrupt. But, that tore me up inside as well.

What I learnt through this period is death will bring out the worst in people, but you learn who your true friends are at times like this.

There’s no will to be found, but his children are making it hard for his wife, by trying to take over and push her out. So now lawyers have to be involved and because they are delaying things this won’t be settled until next year.

Take note; Get a Will written, and lodged with a solicitor, and let people know where it is lodged. It is too ugly, when there is no Will. It truly brings out the worst in people, and their behaviour can be downright disgusting.

Because he was helping me with the business, I was transitioning to a different payment, and because he died, everything was frozen. I couldn’t start the business without his help, and being in transition, I was stuck with no income for two months. Two months of no income, and the bills kept coming. They kept adding up. It took its toll on me. I fell into a depressed state of darkness for two months, and had no idea of what to do.

I’m not a person who has emotions, I shut them down when I was little, to survive. I started to allow myself to feel them a few years ago, but I couldn’t put a name to them. I had so many emotions infiltrate my being through this period, it was overwhelming. I can’t name half of them, but they suck. I know we got to have them, but I don’t like them.

I finally got onto unemployment again but it was too late. You can’t catch up on on that. Including the mortgage, I owe about $60000. That’s not a huge amount but it is when everyone was demanding their money in full. A couple would consider smaller payments but when your getting $250 a week, it just doesn’t stretch. And so I have had to concede defeat, and put my house up for sale, to pay all my debts.

What has helped me get through has been those that I follow, and my awesome followers on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Everyone of you has been so supportive and encouraging. Thank you to everyone. Special mention to

@motivationkings have some great motivational and positive content as does






I laugh at @love_lawyer

Michael Nulty-Author has been so awesome helping me figure out the whole emotion thing.

Laura Corbeth for sending hope

Mindfulness Wellness

Murray Newlands




And@garyvee – I love his style, upfront, smack in the head, sometimes he states the flipping obvious, which kinda makes me laugh, but I have learnt a lot, and it has helped me to focus more.

There are so many of you who post positive and encouraging things. Some I have found serious, some I have found have had just the right word for me. And so you have all helped me to get through this period, especially those who have interacted with me, and liked what I have written. So – Thank you.

So, I will be entering 2018 with absolutely nothing. I will be couch surfing, and putting my life back together. Believing that somehow, something bigger, and better than what I had will emerge. Believing that the lies will amount to nothing, and that I will be stronger, and be able to help others through my experiences.


I know, I know, I’ve been missing in action. The last few months have been a bit of a blur. I’m still dealing with my step-father’s death. If you haven’t done so yet GET A WILL done. The way things are going, it won’t be settled till the middle of next year. And the reason is purely greed and hatred.

His children don’t want to see his wife get anything because they didn’t want him to marry her, they wanted him to re-marry their mother, which would be impossible to do as she had re-married.

But that is human nature. People work on emotions and what they want, not what is best for the situation. Their father would be so disappointed in their behaviour. By the way, if you haven’t done so yet – GET A WILL DONE.

Seriously make people’s lives easier. Sure, it’s not the most pleasant of dinner conversations, but it is a conversation that needs to be had. Make sure your family knows what your wishes are. Get it in writing and lodge it with a lawyer, but GET IT DONE.

Long story short, because of the two months of no income, the bills are stupid high, and so I have no option but to sell my house, and start again. My ex has figured out where the house is, which means he knows my name, and so here we go again, I will have to change it.

I will work on my blogging, so that there is not such a long gap. My focus will be Domestic Violence, interspersed with other topics as they enter my sleep deprived brain.

I am going into public speaking as an interactive inspirational speaker. And I’ll be quite reasonably priced. One of the things I’d like to do is to offer businesses, the opportunity to teach their leaders and managers, signs of Domestic Violence, and how to support their workers who are involved.

So, if you know of anyone who would be interested, let me know via qwerty65137@protonmail.com

I will leave with this thought. It’s the 11th today, that means in 14 days, yes that’s right, in two weeks time – it will be Christmas Day.


# Blunt # TMI # Don’t Read Then

I can be blunt and a lot of people don’t like that, seriously, it’s a fact that most people avoid me, unless they want honesty. I call it how I see it, and I try to see the whole situation, not just one person’s view. I don’t sugar coat things, so people when they ask me what I think, I ask them ‘Are you really sure, you want me to tell you what I think.’

And if they say ‘Yes, I don’t want to be told what I want to hear.’ Then I tell them. They still don’t like it, but I remind them that they wanted it. I can be a little sarcastic with the super sensitive flowers, but I will also stand up for you, I will have your back, and I am usually not easily offended.

That, being said today is me being blunt to myself. If I came to me with my problem I’d smack me across the head and say, ‘Pull yourself together, you’re made off better stuff.’ ‘C’mon, girl, you’ve gone through worse, what’s the deal?’

I have a statue that I found. I’ve had it for years, but until I got my own place and was no longer couch surfing, it stayed packed away, to the point I forgot about it. It’s of a warrior princess, seated on a throne, an eagle perched behind her, a sword in her hand.

It reminded me that I’m a fighter. I’ve been to hell and back, and survived, when I should’ve died many times over. A warrior doesn’t just fight – he / she fights for what is right, especially when their back is against the wall, but more importantly, a warrior sacrifices for the better good and has honour, integrity, wisdom and courage. This statue reminded me that I have those qualities.

I was reminded that I am a warrior, and as a warrior, it’s time to enter the fight, but first I needed a good dressing down.

So, this is your chance to hit the exit button, or continue to read, if you want to get to know me a bit better.

Wow, you chose to continue to read on.

What happened:

Long story short – maybe. My childhood was filled with violence thanks to an alcoholic father and mother who didn’t want to know. I wouldn’t wish what happened on my worst enemy, but it affected me, and I took what I learned into my adulthood and the guys I met were abusive. Big surprise, right! The thing is violence was my normal, I didn’t know nice.

About 12 years ago, I walked out of a Domestic Violence situation and I spent that time in hiding, as much as I could. The first several years was very much, trying to undo the mental scripts, that were planted in my brain from my childhood, and then retold in my adulthood, and trying to figure out who I was.

A few years ago, I started to join society again and started trying social media. The aim was really to keep me positive, I had no idea that people would start following me – first thoughts were what was wrong with these people? Why is anyone following me?

But then I found some people that were posting stuff that resonated with me, positive stuff that helped keep me on track. Stuff that spoke to me. Then I realised that I found it hard to interact with them – that was and is still a huge challenge for me. But I’m slowly conquering that.

I shut down my emotions many years ago, but this last year I connected with someone who started to help me to understand emotions, and I began to allow myself to feel. I couldn’t and still can’t name some of them, some I kinda like, but there are some I just don’t like – why do emotions hurt? That just plain sucks.

So, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster, trying to figure the whole emotion deal out when 7 weeks ago, I can’t believe it’s been that long, but I came crashing down. Big time. Splat. Hit a brick wall, and didn’t know what to do, how to cope or how to ask for help. I felt I was on my own.

7 weeks ago, my step-father died suddenly. We’re still waiting for the coroner’s report to find out if it was the clot or the operation that killed him. But 7 weeks ago, it went like this.

Monday – He said that he was going to help me. He had been trying to show me what a real father was like, and how they should behave. Anyway, he said that he was going to give me $5000 to clear up the debts, that I had so that I could start fresh. And he said that he was going to give me $10000, so that I could get a matching grant from the government to start my business, and then give him the 10k back, and I’d have 10k to start with.

Total win -win. So excited.

Tuesday – Had a coffee with him. The money had come through, and so we arranged to meet Wednesday morning to do the transfer. Two hours later, I’m calling an ambulance, I’m trying to keep him alive. It was a massive clot in the main artery of the neck, which was operated on. Tuesday night he takes a turn for the worse. Two hours and my happiness got slapped out of me.

Wednesday – We turn off his life support. Somehow, it’s my fault he died and then my character was trashed. But now I can feel, and I felt a lot of pain at these accusations, which weren’t true, and they hurt. Boy did they hurt. I did everything I could and yet people are saying that I didn’t do enough – that sucked.

And everything inside of me wanted to react. Wanted to deny what was said, but that was the old me. The new me thought they are acting out of guilt for not being there, for not seeing him for over a month, it didn’t help, I didn’t understand why what was said hurt so much.

So, the last 7 weeks I’ve done a lot of soul searching. 7 weeks of no extra financial support, as step-father was supporting me, 7 weeks of watching the bills increase.

What did I learn?

I learnt a lot during this time. In, no particular order, I learnt:

I learnt a lot during this time. In, no particular order, I learnt:

  • People show their true personalities when someone dies – oh boy, did, and are they showing their personalities, and it was and is quite ugly..
  • I found out who my friends were during this time. I knew who had my back, and who didn’t.
  • Make sure you have a Will, and make sure your family knows what you want, have at least two copies – one lodged with a lawyer, in case one copy goes missing. Some people copy theirs, and give a copy to each person that is going to benefit.
  • Grief is interesting – especially if you are on the receiving end of someone’s anger.
  • I really needed support, especially when being vilified during this.
  • It’s during times like this my past scripts suddenly revived themselves, and it took a lot to put them where they belong, back in the trash.
  • I relied on those who posted stuff on social media. I valued the messages they wrote – the positivity and the encouragement really helped, even though they didn’t know it.
  • I re-evaluated myself. Who am I? What do I want?


What is holding me back? What are my fears?

Besides money – unfortunately bills need to be paid, and most things have a price attached. Money is a necessity in this world, it’s a bit hard to live without it.

I realise that I have a few fears:

Fear of success – I don’t have a fear of failure. I know failure quite well, sometimes I manage to fail so spectacularly, it surprises and impresses me at the same time. But success, I have no idea what that looks like.

I’m thinking, that we’re conditioned to seeing someone who has massive yachts, or multi-million-dollar houses, with huge bank balances is successful. But, maybe, success is much simpler.

For me, I can’t put a dollar figure on it, but I’d like to have plenty of money to pay my bills on time, have my house freehold, have a new ute, and be able to be generous to other people. To have peace and be able to enjoy my work. At the moment that looks like about $1500 a week, so if I was getting $2000 a week doing what I love to do – technically I’d be successful.

Starting point – list all my debts that are overdue, cry, and then find some solution to start dealing with the mess, so I can contact them.

Fear of disappointment – I’ve lost count of the number of times, that I think something is going to work out, only to have it fall at the last moment, and I end up disappointed. It’s a good thing quitting is not in my vocabulary, but dealing with disappointment is painful – literally.

Starting point – start to think differently – that I’m not failing, but finding ways to not do something and to rely on me, more than anyone else’s promise.  That being said – I’m not good at receiving – so, maybe, I should start learning how to receive – if someone says something nice accept it as true, not question it. If someone offers something, accept it and not think – that there’s a catch to it.

Fear of what if? – What if I screw up again? What if I can’t compete against the major players? What if people don’t like what I say or do? What if? What if?

Smack across the head, girl – these are past scripts coming out in a different form.

Starting point – unless I know the person, they aren’t going to know who I am, if I pass them on the street. Fact is people are going to criticise me, whether I do something, or don’t do something. Think about what if I succeed – Wow – finally financial freedom, bills paid, able to buy what I want without worrying about the price, being able to be generous, build that refuge I want for those from Domestic Violence to learn who they are, and to learn basic life skills and self-belief that has been stripped away. Success will answer my critics.

Who am I?

I am a fighter. I am a warrior. It’s time for me to rise up and claim that. I am unique, I am not like everyone else. I am human and feel emotions, but even though I see emotions as being weak, I feel stronger having them.

I am and I value in others honesty, empathy, integrity, patience, fairness, acceptance, persistence and encouragement. I call it how I see it but I will stand by your side and stand up for you.

I am creative and will find a way to start, grow and build my business.


Those who have helped me, especially through this challenging time:


Deb Hall

Andy and Kerri Stonehill







And last but not least –

(Stranger) @yankeeCoolBoy











Everything Old is New Again

I’m starting to trace my family tree. It’s kinda fun finding out who you’re related to. My mother’s side is easy, most of it’s been done and so I find I’m related to Sir Humphrey Davis, and one of our relatives married some dude, who was a governor on the Galapagos Islands.

Oral stories tell of another relative who went to Peru. The mother and son had a mine over there, and each made the other the recipient in their wills. They both died, within a short, period of each other and the mine went to the government, because there were no other heirs. That will be fun to find out if that is true. I wonder if I could claim it.

On my father’s side, however it’s not so easy, one of them had a name change. I’m curious though, because of an incident that happened when I was working one day at the airport.

A group of miners were going back to the mines. I recognised their accent and mentioned I had Scottish heritage. So, of course, they asked. I said my grandmother was from the Isle of Man, she was a Todd. They were quite happy with that, said they were nice lot. Then I mentioned the name of my father.

This group of six burly males, literally turned white and ran. So, it left me thinking what on earth did that family do, that even decades down the track, Scots dislike the name.

I figure, that it has to do with the name change, which happened during the Jacobite wars. Knowing the way, the family was, they probably betrayed their fellow Scotsmen.

Back to my mother’s side, I found some letters written from the late 1800’s from a relative in Cornwall. And as I read them, it occurred to me, that they had the same issues that we do.

I read about mining accidents with cave-ins, that happened, and that the workers wanted to strike over the conditions. They had droughts, which increased the cost of food and diseases. Thank fully our medical advances have improved, and we don’t have the diseases that they did, but I read about the operations one of them had. I am definitely glad, of the medical advances that have been made.

I read about family problems, of relatives wanting, what they considered, their inheritance, before the person died. Side note – People make a Will, and have it lodged with the solicitor, so that there is no question, as to what you want done.

If you have a previous marriage, and children from that marriage, then have a round table conference to talk about what you want, because there is nothing worse, than family behaving badly, because someone has died and not left a will. It brings out the worst in people.

I read about loans that family members had made and then not paid. And I read about the deaths of family members. They were very religious back then, and my relative wrote about the Providence of God, God’s hand being at work and when writing about the death of one of our relatives, he wrote ‘… And as she breathed her last, she said “Heaven, best”’ She repeated it and died.

And I read about how they had no power. We complain when we have a black out for a couple of hours. And yes, we had every right to complain when the entire state had no power, some of it for days, because, in this day, and age, electricity should be reliable. But back then they had no power at all.

They didn’t have the luxuries that we take for granted. Mobile phones, computers, televisions, electricity, gas, shopping centres etc, none of that existed, and the things that we have today, will probably become obsolete as new models, and things come into existence.

It goes to show, that even though those letters were written over a hundred years ago, they still dealt with the same issues we do. Unemployment, accidents, work accidents, diseases, death and so forth.

A hundred years from now people will still be dealing with the same issues that we deal with. For now, though, I’m having fun researching the past.

Where’s there’s a Will … There’s Sanity

I get it. Talking about death is not exactly the greatest dinner conversation one could have, but it is in marriages and deaths that brings out the best and the worst in a person. If you haven’t made a Will out then what happens after you have died can become a dog’s breakfast.

But there’s no need to make a Will out yet –

  • I’m too young
  • I’ve got plenty of years left in me
  • People know what I want to leave them
  • I haven’t got time, at the moment; I’ll get around to it

are just a few excuses given for not doing one. Here’s the problem. Humans are finite beings and whilst we can predict many things, we can’t predict when we are going to die or how we are going to die.

You don’t know if you are going to be involved in an accident, get a disease or get caught up in a war or hostile incident. What you can do, is, if you care about your family, then having a Will made up will make things easier in the event of your demise.

Yes, it will cost you. It will cost time and money, because you should have it drawn up by a solicitor to make sure that it is written and executed properly. You can do a kit one, but making sure it is written and executed properly can be challenged.

Once you have made your Will, it is a good idea, to tell someone, you trust, where it is. If the Will can’t be found then your property becomes intestate and is distributed according to the laws of intestacy. And despite there being a legal framework to deal with, if family members go against that, it becomes problematic.

If you have married a few times and there are children from each marriage, have a round table discussion about what you want to leave to whom and why so that everyone is on the same page. With that in mind, find out the legalities because in many places, if you have not formally adopted step children, then they miss out and if you don’t want that, you need to make sure you have a Will written.

I am talking to myself as much as anyone. Be you young or old, if you are breathing and living in this world you should have a Will written. It may be challenged, but it is better to have your possessions distributed how you want them to be, rather than leave it, and risk infighting or people trying to override one another.

At least having a Will written and stored in a safe place, that someone you trust knows about, will hopefully, allow your last wishes to be dealt with in peace, and let sanity reign among the family … unless, of course, chaos is what you want to leave, in which case, don’t leave a Will.


EMT’s Rock …. #1

I don’t care where you live in the world those that volunteer or work for emergency services do an awesome job. They should get the same if not more credit and respect when attending simple things like accidents or house fires, as they do when responding to emergencies like bush fires / wild fires (depending what country you live in) and earthquakes or hurricanes / cyclones.

As well as dealing with car accidents, house fires and the like, they go into situations most of us wouldn’t want to find ourselves in – bush fires, cyclones, floods, earthquakes and more. They help those who are stressed, injured or sadly there are times when they have to deal with people who have died.

They stay calm when others lose the plot and panic. They fight through fatigue to keep people safe and protected. And we thank them but when the major incident is over we can so easily forget. We don’t think much when they’re attending an accident or house fire; it is in a large-scale situation that we see them rise up to a higher level and that we really take notice.

It is in large-scale situations that we see people from other states, and in some circumstances from other countries enter to give crews rest, and to help deal with whatever emergency is happening.

I can remember when I was 17, driving the car and had to stop at the intersection. As I waited for the lights to change a motorcyclist and car collided in the middle. The poor guy was decapitated, such was the impact. I can remember hearing the ambulance and thinking I don’t think you guys can help.

To this day, every now and again when I hear the ambulance siren, I see this incident play out in my mind. It’s still so clear and ugly. But if I can remember an incident like this, then those who work in the emergency sector day in and day out would have memories play out in their head too.

And yes, you shut it down and you push through, but it’s still in your head somewhere. So, to all those who work in emergency services. Thank you.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, and just in case I haven’t said it enough –

Thank You – You’re awesome.



What? Sorry, What Was That?

In Australia, 1 in 6 are affected by hearing loss. 1 child is identified every day with impaired hearing and 1 in 1000 babies are born with significant hearing loss.  That’s just the Australian figures. Deafness occurs throughout the world so it is plausible to say, that people with hearing issues is a big issue.

The problem is that deafness is an ‘invisible’ disability. While businesses are required to have disability access and treat those with disabilities with respect, very few include deafness in their planning of having a disability friendly business.

It is interesting how some people treat those who are deaf or hearing impaired. They forget that hearing-impaired people are good at reading lips and so talk in front of them, sometimes quite derogatorily, and at other times about issues that they would never speak about, in front of a hearing person.

Then, the majority of people when they are told that you are hearing impaired, tend to do one of three things. They make an excuse to get away – It doesn’t matter that you have been talking to them for the last ten minutes, the minute they find you have a hearing problem, usually because you have, to keep asking them to repeat themselves, they make an excuse and leave.

Or, they will start yelling at you – as though screaming at the top of their lungs is going to help – it doesn’t. All yelling does is make it harder to figure out what is being said. Or they will speak to you really, slowly – I mean really, slow to the point, you want to slap them across the head and say I’m deaf not stupid.

I know, I have these things happen on a regular basis. I am hearing impaired. Not a huge amount but enough to cause problems. I hear parts of words and sentences, so I take what I hear and what I see, put it in the context of where the conversation is taking place and come up with the most logical sentence.  If it sounds logical and fits the context I run with it and I’m pretty good, the majority of people, wouldn’t know I had a problem unless I told them. Although there are times when I totally mishear and then people figure it out but it can be quite funny.

But just because someone is deaf or hearing impaired doesn’t mean they can’t do anything. We can work. Okay, you may need to have some equipment modified, but it’s not a huge amount. Sure, you have, to make sure we’re actually looking at you when you speak, but at least we’re listening. The bonus is that when you do have deaf people come in, you have someone who can sign to them. That’s a win – win for everyone.

But we work as hard as anyone else, maybe even harder. And there are those who dance and sing even though they’re deaf. How? You don’t wear shoes, you feel the beat through the floor and you just have, to trust your pitch is right, if you sing.

I have heard that there is an app or one that is being developed that is designed to help those who have trouble hearing. My understanding is that those who you converse with have, to have the app but basically, it picks up what the person is saying to you and prints it out on the screen.

Deafness is an issue for many, but instead of yelling, or talking slowly or walking away, just speak in a normal tone of voice, because we are normal people, we just don’t hear as good as most, and if you have, to repeat yourself, so be it.



It’s Just a Blood Test, Right!!!

I’m just one of those people. My veins are deep and at the mere thought of a blood test, they just don’t want to play. The advice is plentiful.

Drink water – lots of it as it will make the veins more accessible. Well I drank over a litre of water and guess what? No blood.

Heat pads will do the job – yeah … um, nope. No blood.

Exercise, get that blood pumping – of course, what a good idea. Shame no one told my veins it was a good idea – no blood.

Is it any wonder that I hate blood tests. They usually end up going into the wrist which hurts. Man, does it hurt. Once the nurse went into the wrist and then said ‘Bugger, it’s rolled, don’t move’ as she dug the needle through, following it.

And apparently not only are my veins deep but my veins are not where they should be. In my left arm I have a ligament and in the right a tendon. But I did the right things, I drank a lot of water, kept warm, they used a heat pad and I had been exercising so the heart was pumping and the guy gets the needle and syringe …. and nothing. Not even a hint.

So after half an hour he gives up and tells me to come back the next day. I go back. Different person but maybe they’ll have success. He takes one look at my arms ‘You have no veins.’ I’m breathing and moving and if I cut myself I bleed so I must have them somewhere. But he quit before he started and referred me to one of their of their senior persons.

I go see her. I give her the form and say ‘I’m sorry, I’m not easy to get blood from.’

She looks at the form and sees the previous two attempts. Looks at my arms and says ‘Uh huh, you’re one of them.’ She tourniquets my arm, feels around and finally finds one … she thinks. She picks up the syringe.

And I say ‘You don’t want to use that type if it is the suction one (so know the technical names .. not), they don’t work on me.’

She says ‘well I need 20 ml and our biggest syringe is 10ml. I don’t want to stab you twice. So she gets a butterfly and sticks it in. Keeps feeling my arm and says ‘I can feel it but the needle wasn’t hitting it. Finally after digging deeper she says ‘Got it, don’t move’ and collects the blood needed.

As I’m leaving she says ‘You don’t want to ever need to go to hospital for an operation. The anesthetist  needs a vein to work with.’

Not planning on going to hospital but thanks for the tip. Only three months till my next one. Anyone want to take my place?

I Wish I Had Learnt At School …

School was not a favourite time for me. Let’s be honest I didn’t like school, I’m an introvert and found it hard, but I look at the schools today and laugh. I chatted with a young mum and she was horrified at what the teachers got away with in my school days.

Back in our days we marched around the school yard saying the times tables over and over till we had them memorised. There was no way anyone passed unless they passed the tests and exams. There was none of this passing a student so they could stay with their friends and not lose their self-confidence.

If students talked too much or mucked around in class then the teacher threw whatever was handy, the duster, the stapler, the text books at the students to get them to stop. There was bullying back then, too but there was no mediation or policy to stop it other than whoever won the fight led the pecking order.

There was no friend chair to sit on – you either had friends or you didn’t. There was no consideration for allergies or noise sensitive students and the accompany policies to cater for them. And in a way, that is a good thing because the world does not cater for you, you have to adjust to the world.

But there are some things that I wish had been taught at school. Life lessons would’ve been nice. I’m talking real life lessons that would actually help you. Things like:

Budgeting – we weren’t taught about money, the value of it or how to budget what you earn or get on social security benefits. My mother taught me to whack everything on credit, but not how to pay it off. I had to teach myself how to budget and sometimes I screw it up, but that’s because, it’s getting increasingly harder and harder to live on a couple of hundred a week. But budgeting would be a useful thing to teach students.

Parenting Skills – how to deal with a child that is challenging. Television and magazines show the stars with their perfect children in looks and behaviour. Occasionally, we get glimpses of them misbehaving but overall, the projection, the image the stars want you to see is perfection, the children are to fit into their image. Some of them give the child a name that if it were a normal person, would see the child teased and ridiculed, but because the parent of a child is a star or influential person, they don’t seem to get teased as much.

But it’s not a fair description. You don’t have many stars going well my child has depression, or ADD or ADHD or Asperger’s or any other of the challenging behaviours. You hear when they get sick or injured and when they go off the rails but not many seem to have challenging behaviour’s which gives a distorted view to those who adore and hero worship their favourite star.

Even those reality baby dolls they are now giving to teenagers with the design to show them how demanding a baby can be, but they are programmed to cry when hungry, need their nappy changed or they want attention.

I’d like to see them programmed to resemble a colicky baby. See how long they last before they want to give up. It would be nice to have a perfect baby but life isn’t perfect and neither are babies. Teach teens about caring for a baby, how to feed, change and look after it. Why not? If they’re going to have sex, they risk pregnancy and if they get pregnant at least they might have some skills to cope.

Basic Car Maintenance – Gone are the days when you could drive to a service station and have the attendant check your car’s oil and water levels and the tyre pressure. I can name one. Many people just don’t know how to do these basic things and then wonder why the car overheats.

But learning to do a basic check including safety tips like don’t open the radiator cap if the car is hot or you risk getting burned. Don’t do what one of my school friends did and check the level of his petrol by opening the cap and trying to see into the tank with a cigarette lighter … it was not a good result.

 Forms – How to fill out the endless pages of government forms. Once you leave school you have tons of forms to fill in, although most of it is online now but it still requires you to understand them. You have tax forms to fill in, forms for your employer if you’re lucky enough to have one, if not you have social security forms to fill in. Endless pages, sometimes with what seems to be the same question but written differently. But it would be nice to understand the nature of these forms and how to fill them out before you dive into the world of forms.

Cooking – How to create a menu and prepare it so that is nutritious. Not just the odd recipe but understanding the food groups, how important they are to one’s health, what foods go together, how much of one food group should you have as well as how to create a menu and prepare it. It doesn’t have to be exotic just basic.

 Cleaning – What cleaning is. My grandmother used to literally sweep the dust under the rug. A lot of people have no understanding of how to clean a house. Teaching about the different products available, how to store them, how toxic they are and how to use them. Simple but a necessity.

Children learn from their parents. If they have a parent who doesn’t know how to clean a home properly then they won’t either. If the parent never cleans and the house is a mess, the child will think that is normal and then get a shock when they realise that actually that’s not normal.

Shopping – Shopping on a budget, how to buy in bulk, what should you buy in bulk and how to store the items when you get them home, so that there is no cross contamination. What should the fridge be set at? How long can you keep things before they need to be tossed.

These are basic things everyone should know but many do not. Many get to adulthood and don’t know these simple basics of life. And if they are not going to be taught at home then they should be taught at school. They should be taught at home through one’s family, but it doesn’t always happen. Maybe it’s just me but these are the things that I wish I had learnt and judging by some of the upcoming teenagers they need it too.